Will you date my friend? Kenyans ditch dating apps for ‘pitch my friend’ hang-outs

This story has significance for readers across Kenya and beyond.

On a Thursday evening in June, about 100 young Kenyans gathered at The Space in Westlands for an unusual kind of singles event.

Instead of introducing themselves, they handed the microphone to their closest friends, who took turns making three- to five-minute PowerPoint presentations on why they deserved a chance at love.

For an entry fee of Sh300, attendees watched the pitches before mingling with those who had caught their attention, whether in search of romance, friendship or simply a meaningful connection.

For Tugi Mwigi, a business student in her early twenties, organising the event reflected a passion she says has long drawn her to community-building. She was excited to help put together the "Pitch Your Friend" event alongside fellow organiser Mutinda through Qwani, a community that creates spaces for young people to connect.

"I love helping create experiences where people feel comfortable enough to express themselves and connect with other interesting and creative people," says Mwigi.

She notes the event was never intended to compete with dating apps. Instead, it sought to recreate something many young people say has become increasingly difficult to find: community.

To keep the presentations engaging, organisers encouraged participants to limit their PowerPoint slides to five.

"Most presentations circle around the likes and dislikes, hobbies and preferences of their friend. We keep it light and fun," she says and add, "If your friend is the one introducing you, you don't really have to perform or convince anybody that you're interesting. You can trust your friend to represent you as they see you, including the funny or even embarrassing things you probably wouldn't say about yourself."

Unlike dating apps, where first impressions are often reduced to carefully curated photos and brief biographies, the presentations offered something more personal.

"The audience got a little window into somebody's personality," Mwigi says. "You weren't just seeing a profile. You were learning about their interests, favourite books or TV shows, and how someone who genuinely knows them sees them. That gives people a reason to start conversations afterwards."

The presentations commonly featured photos, educational background, interests, hobbies and personality traits, although Mwigi says each presenter brought their own creative flair.

The presentations also produced moments of humour and unexpected honesty. One presenter jokingly listed "can't pronounce the words Tuesday and vinyl" as a weakness of their friend, while describing them as someone looking for "a reader with whom he can have a conversation with" and someone who could strike the perfect balance between "man, the government is useless" and "have you watched the polygamist?"

Most of those who attended were university students and young professionals under 25. While some arrived hoping to meet a romantic partner, many were simply looking for new friendships and a sense of belonging.

Creating that environment also meant putting safeguards in place. Organisers reviewed every presentation beforehand and allowed attendees to privately indicate interest in someone rather than announcing it publicly.

"We wanted people to feel respected because you're putting someone in a vulnerable position." By the end of the evening, one couple had matched and decided to continue getting to know each other. But Mwigi says romance wasn't the only measure of success.

"There were lots of friendships and smaller connections that came out of it," she says. "If someone came in knowing nobody but left having met a few people they wanted to speak to again, then we'd achieved what we wanted."

Mwigi believes the appeal of such spaces comes from the opportunity to connect without the pressure that often accompanies modern dating.

"The presence of other people is what it's all about. The chance to talk and laugh and argue about silly things is how to actually get to know others. I believe that's where connection is found. With no pressure to perform, people can authentically be themselves and maybe meet someone along the way."

The idea itself was borrowed from a wider trend. Mwigi says the "Pitch Your Friend" format was inspired by similar events that have gained popularity in places such as New York and London, and the organisers were curious to see how it would translate here.

Authentic conversations

Among those who embraced the idea was Ibrahim Maina, who had initially planned only to pitch a friend. Maina says he first heard about the event while helping organisers film a promotional video. Jokingly challenged to return and pitch someone, he brushed it off, then decided the concept was too interesting to ignore.

"The idea that you could stand up and pitch someone to a room full of strangers felt fascinating," he says.

After convincing a friend to let him present her, Maina spent days learning about her interests, favourite books and hobbies, determined to portray a person rather than "sell a product."

"It's less about pitching a product and more about pitching a person," he says. "To do that well, you have to genuinely know them."

Then came an unexpected twist.

About 15 minutes before the presentations ended, the host challenged Maina to pitch himself.

"I sat with it for a few minutes and realised nothing was stopping me. It was an experience, a chance to talk about myself and meet people."

What surprised him most, however, was not standing on stage but the audience's response.

"I expected people to be passive, but from the very first pitch everyone was engaged," he says. "People laughed, reacted, clapped and genuinely listened. It made you feel like they actually cared about what you were saying."

That openness, he says, made conversations afterwards feel natural.

Following the event, Maina struck up a conversation with another participant that stretched well into two hours, moving effortlessly between books, films and life experiences.

"I made multiple meaningful connections," he says. "One person came up to me after the event because they were intrigued by my confidence. We ended up talking for hours, and we're still in touch today." For Maina, the event offered something dating apps rarely do: an endorsement from someone who already knows you.

Still, he admits the format demands courage. "You're putting yourself out there in front of a room full of people," he says. "If no one comes to talk to you afterwards, it can really dent your self-esteem. That's the risk you don't have with dating apps."

Even so, he believes the rewards outweigh the vulnerability.

"The event taught me that you can't expect relationships or friendships to happen if you never put yourself out there," he says. "If you stay behind closed doors, those doors will never open for you."

For anyone considering attending the next edition, his advice is simple.

"Come," he says. "But don't come expecting to leave with a relationship. Come expecting to meet people, make friends and have genuine conversations. If you keep an open mind, you'll enjoy the experience."

For Ivan Shonko, a communications student at Daystar University, the invitation came from a friend who had grown tired of watching him stay single.

Having previously attended a Qwani event, he was curious enough to give the concept a chance, although he insists he arrived with no expectations. "I came with a very open mind because I'd never tried something like this before."

Unlike a noisy singles mixer or nightclub, the relaxed setting immediately put him at ease.

"It was a very calm environment," he says. "I felt like I could just sit down and approach someone if I wanted to without too much pressure."

What stood out most, however, was how the event flipped the script on first impressions. Instead of relying on carefully curated dating profiles, attendees were introduced through people who already knew them well.

"On dating apps it's very easy to exaggerate or say things that aren't entirely true," Shonko says. "Here, your friend is talking about you, so if your stories don't align, it's obvious. By the time someone comes to talk to you, they already have a sense of who you are."

That, he says, made conversations flow more naturally.

"Someone could walk up to you and say, 'I heard you're into Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter too,' and suddenly you've already broken through the awkwardness of asking what someone likes."

One presentation in particular captured the spirit of the evening. A man passionately pitching his female friend had the audience hanging on every word.

"I didn't even know if I liked the girl," Shonko recalls. "But the way her friend spoke about her made me want to throw my name in the hat and see where it went."

Although he did not walk away in a relationship, Shonko says the conversations he started that evening (with a lady) have continued long after the event ended.

"We exchanged contacts, and we're still getting to know each other," he says. "It wasn't an instant connection. It was more of a slow burner."

Perhaps the biggest surprise, he says, was how comfortable everyone seemed with simply being themselves.

"I think people our age are getting tired of putting on facades and trying to create perfect versions of themselves," he says. "Everyone came wanting to be authentic and to meet people who accepted them as they are."

He says he would gladly return for another edition.

"I'd recommend it to anyone," he says. "Even if you don't leave with a partner, you leave having stepped out of your comfort zone, met new people and made genuine connections. That alone makes it worthwhile."

Isaac Maweu, a counselling psychologist at Greatness Assured Consultancy Ltd, notes that human beings will always find ways to seek connection.

"This new approach, pitch your friend, is a good way of trying to solve the problem of getting a partner. There is more authenticity, more facts and more details about the person than what an app can offer." However, he cautions that the approach also places significant responsibility on the friend doing the introduction. If a relationship fails after the match is made, the friend may end up carrying the blame.

"They may feel, 'I failed my friend,'" Maweu says. "They may be blamed for connecting them with the wrong person, even though the final decision still rests with the two adults involved."

That responsibility, he argues, goes beyond simply highlighting someone's strengths.

"Take your time to know this person, understand their personality, preferences and even what they have gone through," he says.

Exaggerating or misrepresenting a friend, he adds, risks creating unrealistic expectations that could undermine the relationship from the outset.

Maweu also sees the popularity of such events as part of a broader shift in how young people are trying to build meaningful relationships.

"Human beings are naturally social beings," he says. "The desire for community and a sense of belonging is what is motivating people to try different approaches that seem to be working for them."

Rather than viewing the trend as a rejection of traditional dating, he describes it as an evolution of social norms.

"Culture is dynamic," he says. "It keeps growing, changing and responding to the needs and challenges in society."

Even so, Maweu says participants should treat a friend's recommendation as only the beginning of the process.

"Take your time to evaluate the person you've been introduced to," he says. "Relationships are built through connection, communication and understanding, not simply because someone else recommended them."

Reporting originally appeared via Nation Africa. Read the full source for additional context.